May is Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness month (also known as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder), and I wanted to challenge some of the myths surrounding this diagnosis. I’ve had a diagnosis of BPD for just over 4 years and I’ve faced a lot of questions and some stigmatising comments over this, which means I’m keen to put the record straight.

Here are the things I wish people understood about BPD…

It is a real mental health condition: I’ve heard plenty of people refer to mental illness & personality disorders as separate more times than I can count. But BPD is a recognised mental illness in the DSM and ICD (the diagnostic manuals for all mental conditions). It may develop differently in comparison to ‘traditional’ conditions such as schizophrenia or bipolar, but it is equally valid as a mental condition. It has been a recognised condition since 1980 and research has repeatedly shown individuals with BPD to have significant and specific neurological differences in comparison to the general population.

It does not mean I have a bad personality: A personality disorder is a way of thinking, feeling and behaving that deviates from the expectations of the culture, causes distress or problems functioning, and lasts over time. Unlike conditions Whilst which impact moods, such as depression and bipolar, a personality disorder impacts facets linked to personality/temperament such as thinking, emotions, relationships etc. The behaviours are usually highly persistent and long-standing. What it doesn’t mean however is that I have a bad personality or a ‘wrong’ personality that needs changing. It simply refers to my way of interacting with the world, my beliefs about myself and others, and my behaviours.

People with BPD are not manipulative: This is a very common misconception about BPD, perhaps one of the biggest. BPD often gets mixed up with Dissocial/Anti-Social Personality Disorder, whereby individuals may manipulate or exploit others with little regard as a means to make personal gain. Individuals with BPD can also be deemed manipulative due to their fear of abandonment which may make them behave in ways to avoid loss. For example, some individuals may self-harm when faced with abandonment, which may be misinterpreted as a ploy to manipulate someone into staying, when in reality it is a coping mechanism to cope with the intense emotions perceived loss brings.

BPD is treatable and this often involves medication: Whilst BPD is a long-standing, persistent disorder, it can indeed be treated, and does not have to be a life sentence. DBT, psychotherapy and medication can all improve an individuals ability to regulate their emotions and manage relationships. I personally take both anti-depressant and anti-psychotic medication for my BPD, and they have changed my life for the better. Understanding how my BPD developed has also been crucial for me, along with my family learning the importance of emotional validation. I now rarely go into crisis and have been in a stable relationship for nearly 4 years.

People with BPD are not dangerous: Again, I personally believe this is largely a confusion with anti-social personality disorder coupled with unhelpful stereotypes in the media. People with BD are far more likely to be a danger to themselves than anyone else. They are not crazy bunny boilers who cut off their ex’s tackle rather than see him with another woman. Self-harm is much more likely!

People with BPD can be good friends/partners: I am a fantastic friend and girlfriend! (Joke!) But in all seriousness, the individuals I know with BPD are the most thoughtful, compassionate, empathetic people I know. We feel things so deeply and are often incredible entuned to others emotions meaning we make sure to help others feel good. I for one certainly don’t go around manipulating my friends or blowing hot or cold with them as I know how awful this feels. Our fear of abandonment also means we’ll often avoid conflict, and so probably allow others to get away with shitty behaviour more than others.

Self-harm/suicide attempts need to be taken seriously in those with BPD: Whilst I appreciate that self-harm and suicide attempts are very common in those with BPD, and people can become a bit desensitised to them, I do not condone viewing such behaviours as anything other than highly serious. The behaviours are communicating internal unbearable distress. Suicide rates for BPD are huge, with 70% of those diagnosed attempting suicide, and 10% completing suicide. This is substantially higher than other psychiatric disorders.

I am not choosing to behave like this: for me, this is always the most frustrating misconception. People believe I am behaving in an overdramatic or intense manner for attention or to manipulate a situation. I am not. Having such intense emotional reactions to situations is horrific, and incredibly difficult to manage. I often feel like I’m drowning under the weight of my own emotions, and know full well how irrational they are, often leaving me feeling ridiculous and stupid. I’d give anything to be ‘normal’ and not feel so intensely, but I am out of control of this as someone experiencing psychosis is their hallucinations.

There are probably tonnes more I could have covered but for me, these are the key ones!

I hope this helps you get to grips with BPD a little more – I appreciate it’s one of those weird diagnoses that doesn’t always make sense!

Lorna

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