When I was 19, I suffered a breakdown whilst studying for my degree in psychology at the University of Bath. I’ll talk more about this in a future blog, but I want to share the story of something that happened 48 hours beforehand.

I went to a concert at the Thekla, a boat in Bristol harbour which acts as a music venue. I had gone to see an act called Ryan Keen, who I had seen previously as a support act for Ed Sheeran, pre-Sheeran’s superstar status.

I was really unwell at this point but in total denial. I was battling with paranoia, depression, anxiety and severe insomnia. I was struggling in my shared house and had begun skipping meals and over-exercising. I heard about the gig last minute and asked a friend if she wanted to go, hoping some normal social interaction might snap me out of it. It didn’t.

I have almost no recollection of the concert, and now know I was severely dissociated the whole time. I felt completely disconnected from my body and the world around me and was emotionally numb.

Just at the end of the concert, a song came on. Somehow, despite my daze, it’s words began to penetrate my bubble, and I was brought flooding back to reality. I felt a lump in my throat and an instant connection to the words.

6 months down the line, having suspended my degree and spiralled further into mental illness I had the following words etched onto my ribs…

Keep your eyes on the horizon

The changes come in waves

You’ll be alright

When the day breaks.

I rarely listen to this song now, but each time I do I feel overwhelmed with emotions I can’t quite articulate. I feel the despair and confusion I felt that night, and the hope those words gave me to bring me back.

If you are interested, the song is available here.

Lorna

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