When I first sought help for being mentally unwell, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I learnt a lot about these disorders and spent time familiarising myself with treatment options. My depression and anxiety also slowly weaved its way into my identity, as any long-term illness does. I told friends, family, colleagues and even shared some of my story online. It became a part of my life for a number of years.

Fast forward 2 – 3 years and following a particularly difficult time at university involving a small handful of highly unstable Tinder relationships and I find myself sat in front of my GP one day when she says “this doesn’t really feel like depression to me. Don’t panic but I think you might have Borderline Personality Disorder.” Shortly after, and two psychiatrist appointments later, and it was done. I now had BPD.

I felt like the rug had been pulled firmly from underneath me. It was as if the person I thought I was no longer existed, and I had to get used to this whole new person. I was left to manage this massive news alone, whilst at university and hundreds of miles away from home. I wasn’t able to engage in DBT as I was due to return home shortly afterwards and couldn’t commit to the stringent programme whilst based at two addresses. I wasn’t offered much follow up, and didn’t really discuss how I felt about the new diagnosis is any of my GP appointments.

So I wanted to compile some tips for anyone coping with a similar situation. But please note, these worked or me, and they might not work for everyone, but I hope someone out there finds them helpful.

• Try to avoid Google: Now, don’t get me wrong, I googled BPD when I was told this might be more fitting of my experiences, and it was helpful to an extent. I was able to identify with the symptoms and felt somewhat relieved my GP appeared to be on to something. But, the internet is a huge place, and as relieved as I felt, I also stumbled across a lot of negative information. This included stigmatising content and terrifying tales of those who continue to struggle significantly with BPD. This often. left me feeling shame and hopelessness about this new diagnosis, and I really wish I’d stuck to factual websites, such as Mind, until a little further along. I totally appreciate people who continue to struggle so badly have as much right as I to share their tales, but at times they left me convinced I would never recover.
• Tell somebody: I confided in my mum and one friend. I didn’t want to tell many people until I’d got my head around it myself, but having someone to turn to when I felt helpless, and to reassure me and remind me not to get ahead of myself was really important.
• Listen to the professionals: You’re going to have your own views on a new diagnosis, and have no doubt heard of treatments you might want to try, and by all means, communicate them, but also listen to professional advice. Having worked in psychiatry I can promise you these are people who know what they are talking about. Whilst this is something completely new to you, it isn’t to them so exploit their expertise. Ask them questions, take notes, look into sites/groups they suggest. They are not against you. Trust me, they want you to recover.
• Be patient: It is terrifying having your diagnosis changed, and you can’t make sense of it in a day. Anyone with a new diagnosis, physical or mental has a lot of learning to do, and it can seem daunting. Be patient with yourself, and with the services, and know it will start to make sense over time. Rest, cry, spend some time alone, do whatever you need to do to process this. You will be okay.

L

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