As many of you know, I am a weight-restored anorexic, having suffered for 3 years from the age of 19. Today, I am in fact overweight, as I am not in a place to begin restricting my food intake safely yet. I have a decent relationship with food and generally, am able to get through the day whilst keeping my inner anorexic in check. As many of you will know, recovery from an eating disorder is something you have to choose to work at every single day, and for the most part, I do okay.

But, people, there are a number of things that make recovery so much harder. I’ve previously written about the difficulties with office diet culture, but today I want to discuss a wider issue; commenting on other people’s plates.

This is nothing new, and we all do it. In fact, I can remember back to being a child, and this happening.

“Oh, you’re not going to finish that?”

“Come on, a little more…”

“Now, are you sure you want that much [insert food name]?”

And I can remember feeling so deeply uncomfortable as a child when it happened. And that hasn’t changed. I vividly remember always struggling to finish a plate of food, even as a young child, and believe it might, at least in part, stem from such comments.

You see, as many of you know, eating disorders are strongly associated with a need for control. So when you constantly have people suggesting you should/shouldn’t eat something, it kind of makes you want to do the opposite just so you’re the one making the choice. Like when you’re forced to sit there and finish your plate, you become determined not to, right?

When I was at my most unwell with anorexia it only ever got worse the more people tried to control what I ate. But when my family and friends just accepted what I ate, no matter how small, things slowly started to improve. I hated feeling I was being watched or judged when I ate, and when that went away I felt much more in control and able to tolerate food better.

To me, I’ve always kind of felt like my food, and how much/how little/what proportions etc. is my business and mine alone. I’m not stupid, I know what food is nutritious and what isn’t, how much of each food group I ‘should’ be having, and so on. I really don’t need you to tell me, and I really don’t need passive aggressive comments that suggest the world might end if I don’t finish my plate or have an extra piece of cake! (Spoiler alert: it hasn’t so far!)

I totally appreciate that this might come from a good place – you want to help your loved ones make good choices. But I suspect we’re all actually guilty of falling guilty to the diet-culture brainwash that suggests food is something to fear, which in itself, is a pretty disordered way of thinking. Food is there to be enjoyed, and it’s a whole lot easier to enjoy when people aren’t judging you for it.

So if you see someone eating something you wouldn’t, please, just let it go!

Lorna

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